le miserable

I never tell people this,
but the real reason why I have not bought a car
is because deep inside I know
I could not carry my current job long enough
I never tell this to mom, or dad, or friends
I already have debts to pay anyway

Pushing myself out of my limit is endless
but I got tired somehow
no motivations, nothing whatsoever

I guess I am waiting for the bomb to blow up
when that time comes
I shall not look back
if this is what it means to be
so be it

my heart keeps telling me to apply for Aswara
go back to where I want to be
maybe I will
after all, misery goes where I go

so, bring on.