pessimist

There is a reason why I become a pessimist. I have a 28 years of stories behind that, but it's too long and boring to write it down here. Plus no one is going to read anyway, hahaa.

The thing is, 10 years before, I was very optimistic. I believe things happen for reasons, I believe you don't need anyone but yourself, and all those feelings towards a person does not need to get noticed.

I was quite a tomboy. My world was surrounded with radio and mix tapes that kept me busy throughout the day. And I was reading a lot because that was what I like to do at that time.

I mean, I still read. But not as much.

As I age like everybody else, I become more bitter. I had fun, yes. But that's only because my parents could not control me anymore. But the reality hits me hard and no one to protect me and then I am becoming more negative.

I always complain and sigh. Sighing is like taboo to me 10 years ago. I hate when I heard someone sigh. But now, I sigh almost everyday.

Now I understand why people sigh. It's not that they are not grateful. Life is so hard and people want to get away from it. Sighing is actually a lot better than suicide.

So, for those who don't understand why I am so dramatic and emotional, you actually don't know what am I going through.

I feel alone.

Now my pessimism is so terrible. I have potential to self destruct. And it annoys me a lot when people say 'get over it' or 'you'll be fine' because I know I won't be fine.

And I find those words just sad lies.